Living in the Sun

I am at constant war with my own psyche. One division of my brain tells me things and makes up thoughts and ideas that the other division tells me to banish and to keep to myself. But the first division is a persistent little bugger, and it torments me constantly. My struggle is not dissimilar to Quasimodo's. My mind is it's own bell tower; I am conflicted between the part that wants to be released and the part that wants to keep these thoughts within.

In a game called "Psychonauts", you assume the role of a psychic spy who enters minds and tries to sort out problems. One of the enemies you'll encounter is the "censor", who will try to stamp out anything it doesn't deem worthy of inhabiting that mind (yourself included.) The lesson is that we should think how we want to think. Thoughts and actions are different- in the words of the immortal Gary Oldman (posing as Sirius Black,) "The world isn't split into good wizards and death eaters. We each have both light and dark within us. It's the part we choose to act on that makes us who we are." I don't believe that means to censor the dark thoughts within, however. Only by accepting them and possibly sharing them can we sort the good thoughts from the bad and figure out what we want to do with the mess we call our minds. The fact that I acknowledge my darker instincts does not make me a bad person, as long as choose to act on what's right.

So I guess this is where my pal the hunchback comes into play. Maybe that's why I can't get this song out of my head. Part of me wants to be free; the only difference is that I am my own captor.

I guess the other reason is that I can't help but see a little of Quasimodo in myself. I'm never going to be the rugged, handsome, prince charming type- I've come to terms with that. The world is always going to hand us problems like they're free keychains, but I can either pity myself or deal with it. The world may be cruel and wicked, but that should only be incentive to try and add a bit of light. Quasimodo loses the girl he loves to the hot guy and gives them his blessing anyway. I can only hope that I may take a lesson away from that.