New Years Rant '09

It's been a year, that's for sure.

We last left our story at the Davis family kitchen table, where I detailed another chapter of my life that seems like it was both very long ago and only just yesterday. The year began in Vegas, during what was perhaps the best vacation I've ever had in my life. Not even a month later, it was go-time again. Another loved one was trying to take her own life... fuck, really? Hadn't I already experienced my fair share of this kind of stuff in 2007? Well, if I've learned anything, it's that life has no memory - be prepared for anything at any given time.

I ended up driving to Arizona in the middle of the night with my best friend at the time to rescue her (how we were going to do that, I wasn't sure at the time.) Thankfully this attempt didn't have the same result as the last one did. In the small hotel room we stayed at that weekend, I watched on TV as the room we stayed in during the Vegas trip at the Monte Carlo burned down. I saw this is a strange omen that, whatever era I lived in a few weeks back, the Vegas trip was definitely the end of that era. I was in uncharted waters as of that moment.

The next few months were tumultuous, to say the least. Before any of this happened, I'd planned on a break up - now, things were much more complicated. It was a complete mind-trip... how do you leave someone when they potentially need you the most? How do you live with yourself? These are questions I'm still trying to answer. I'd never initiated the end of a relationship before, and to be honest, I'd much prefer being dumped. It's a lot easier to accept the inevitable than to be pulling the strings.

Despite this, I had a new job position and a very large project to keep me distracted until May. As the newly appointed promotions manager, I found myself visiting renaissance fairs and launching water balloons out of a catapult in the theater parking lot (among many other things) for the sake of promoting the new Narnia film. This is probably the most work I've ever put into a single project for Edwards, and it will probably be the last time (more on that later.)

I'd originally hoped that summer would be just as fantastic as the summer prior, but I quickly realized that this was not possible, and was something I just had to accept. Being single after four years in a relationship was a tough adjustment. Having a best friend completely turn his back on you right around the same time is another tough adjustment. Despite it all, I kept moving forward. I participated in all the typical summer fare - Disneyland trips, beach/bonfire stuff, laser tag, nerf wars, getting hassled by police, listening to way too much Red Hot Chili Peppers, etc. It helped to have some good friends home again after finishing college, and a few new ones added to the so called "number" (here's to you, Vince.) During it all I took up a new hobby - Dance Dance Revolution. Slowly I began to take off some of the weight I'd gained since the end of high school, which was definitely a plus. I also had a chance to visit a dear friend in San Francisco, thus going to a place I'd never been. The whole trip seems like a blur to me now - here's hoping I can visit again soon.

These were all very good distractions, but I wasn't happy. In July, things got even worse. I'd never felt more alone than during that month. I spent most of August just waiting for the fall semester to begin so I could forget that the whole first half of the year ever happened. Not a great way to finish out the summer. If it weren't for my friends, I may not have made it even that far.

Then something amazing happened. I started the new semester as I started most before - quiet, anti-social, and just ready to memorize the syllabi and figure out the bare minimum to get through my courses. Upon entering my Performing Arts class during the first week, all that changed. I don't need to spend too much time recounting what happened - if your'e a regular, you know what happened (and if you're not, shame on you.) For the first time ever I found myself opening up to people at school, learning names, socializing (even outside of school), and genuinely making friends. For the first time since high school, I had a "school life". Maybe it was because I'd lost 40 pounds thanks to the DDR, and found new confidence because of that. Maybe it was because we were all linked by a bizarre common interest. Maybe these people were just genuinely interesting and friendly. Whatever the reason, things were different. I started doing things. I wrote screenplays. I did a solo-performance on stage in front of an audience of strangers. I starred in two student films (three, if you count Sarah Fiehler's mood study.) I climbed a mountain. I dove into a pool fully clothed. I jumped out of a moving car. I voted Democrat. I worked in a film studio for a week. I felt loved.


And then, the opportunities. My screenplay was chosen out of several to be filmed during our workshop. I auditioned for a play on a whim and got the part, having no prior experience in acting. I was offered a job to work for the school television studio. I was offered an internship opportunity by a professional actress. Now, I'm not even sure which way is up anymore. All these things are happening - amidst my busy schedule already lined up for next semester (three tech classes, choir, dance, and the school play), I'm now facing a slew of opportunities and open doors. For the first time in a long time, I feel like my immediate future is completely unknown. Before, I had my friends, my job, my relationship, and my classes - an endless loop. Now, I'm realizing that all of those things are not set in stone. Relationships sure as hell aren't. I guess friendships aren't always either. And my job? Well... as my life keeps growing, I'm afraid that, sometime soon, there won't be room for it anymore. I'm sure I still have a little bit of time left, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

So what have I learned through all this? You know what, screw it. Last year I wrote some bullshit about love and friendship and whatnot. This year, I'm not going even going to try. So much has happened and I'm still making sense of it all, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Life isn't meant to be lived in stagnation - it keeps changing, keeps evolving. That's what I need to do. I need to move with it. So it's not so much that I haven't learned anything - more like, I am always learning. Constantly, all the time, everyday. Every second. Leaning about life, about myself, my loved ones, the world around me. These lessons may warp, change, grow, become irrelevant - whatever. I'm taking life as it goes from here on out. And I can safely say that I'm loving every minute of it.



Time to set some goals. NOT resolutions. A New Years Resolution is something you make with no intention of following up on. So here are my goals.

-Get my weight down to 160.
According to BMI and all that jazz, 162 is considered the max "normal" weight for my height. A lofty goal, but I lost a total of 50 pounds this year, another 35 is potentially doable.

-Save some money.
I just bought a $300 DDR pad.. I think I have enough ridiculous shit. If all goes according to plan (though nothing ever does,) I'll be done with college by the end of 2009, and I'll need to start saving.

-Build my resume.
It's time to get serious. I already have a good start on this thanks to the fall semester, but I need to get organized.



There. That should keep me busy. So, what else is there? Well, I'm not going to wish for a quiet or eventful year this time around - I guess we'll just see what happens. To my wonderful friends, thanks for sticking by me through all the madness. I'm looking forward to another year full of shenanigans.


And, finally, here's a look back on my top 5 favorite video posts from this blog over the past year. Enjoy :)


5) Wind's Nocturne
This year I discovered how much a person is capable of loving another. Somewhere out there is a person who feels this way about me.




4) Out There
Quasimodo is my hero. I let this video serve as my own personal mission statement.




3) Not Right Now, Derrick!
We can all use a good laugh now and then. These guys have provided several over the past year. Here's to you, Joshua, Olan and Thomas.




2) 123456 Pokemon
Barack Obama was elected president, in what was perhaps the most important news story of the year. I'd like to think that this video helped him out.




1) Baby Cake Diary #3
"Shit matters. Even if we can't figure it out. Even if we are ruled by devils. Even if my days don't mean anything. I just hope I die while hugging."

I wish everyone a fun and safe New Years, and a great 2009.

A Christmas Message

Happy Holidays everyone! And once again, to my regular readers, thanks for keeping up with my mixed up / humdrum life over the past year.


(some real updates coming soon, when I can wrangle together some pictures)

Sorry in Advance

Well, this brings me back.

Sorry, it just had to be posted. Have a nice day.

Grown Up Stuff

Alright, it's been over a week, time to write something.


I've had a strange recurring dream that's happened probably 3 or 4 times in the last two years or so. In it, I find myself suddenly remembering that I had signed up for a random math class at the beginning of my school semester, and realizing at the end of the semester that I'd completely forgotten about the class, it being buried under all of my other responsibilities and whatnot. I try frantically to figure out how I'm going to not fail the course, but realize that it's hopeless.

As I've said before, my dreams are typically neutral and/or don't make sense - that is, I rarely have nightmares. I find more and more that, when I do, they're completely believable; I always find myself surprised to wake up and realize that they're not real, as it's usually a more adult, down to earth fear I'm dreaming about. Case in point: I had that same dream last night, and when I woke up this morning (well, afternoon) the first thing I did was go online to check my school schedule and make sure my dream wasn't reality. Yes, it often takes me a while to escape dream world. To my delight, not only was I, in fact, still living in reality, but grades for this semester were already posted - 3 A's and a B in Spanish. That all really started my day off on a good note. I'm not sure why I've had that dream multiple times - when I think about it, I realize that it's been a long time since I've been genuinely stressed out about school.

I've been thinking a lot about the difference between being a kid and being an adult - it seems many adults long for their childhood again, when the world was simpler. I agree and disagree to that sentiment. It seems that, the older I get, the more responsibility I have, but, in turn, the less other people try to control me. For instance, all throughout grade school and even up through the end of high school, they would constantly send progress reports in the mail to let parents know how you were doing - I HATED this. Not because I was a bad student, but because I dreaded what would happen should an A slip to an A-, or even a B+, heaven forbid. Sometimes you might have a bad week or do not so well on a quiz, still all fully under your control, but the parents would still freak out. It was all very nerve wracking, and made school much more stressful than I wish it would have been.

Fast forward to now - no one really cares whether I succeed or not. If I fail, I deal with the consequences myself; no one else is there standing over my shoulder telling me that I'm doing it wrong. I like it this way - I'm in control. I like being in the driver's seat. This is the type of responsibility which comes with adulthood that I actually enjoy.

People say that when you grow out of childhood, you lose your sense of wonder and imagination (or at least part of it), the things that really make you a kid. I don't see why we can't have the best of both worlds. I still feel like my inner child is alive and kicking, while at the same time, I don't have the parental figures dictating my every move, or the school system casting its shadow, trying to make me feel small. It all makes for a really sweet combination.

I suspect some of this will change if/when I get married and have kids - those types of responsibilities would require people depending on you, which would then, once again, require you to answer to others. But I guess what differs is that you're in that position by your own choice, so really, it doesn't seem so bad.

Well, obviously I'm not there yet, and I still have some growing up to do. But until then, life seems pretty damn sweet to me.

"I can make it on my own..."

I had my first play meeting last night, which went pretty well. I was surprised to discover that there's actually going to be around 6 or 7 performances of the show (if I'm not mistaken) as opposed to the 4 I originally thought. This makes it even more exciting, as I don't have an understudy, so I'm going to be performing all of those nights. At the same time, I'm a bit worried about that week overlapping with dance and choir stuff, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there I guess.

On the way out of the meeting, in my foolish excitement I ran down the stairs 3 to 4 steps at a time and ended up landing on the side of my foot on the last step, bending it at least a full 90 degrees, maybe more. It was okay for a while, but when I woke up this morning I couldn't walk on it at all. Pain killers and icy hot helped me get from my car to my Spanish final (which went ok) at 7 am this morning, but I felt a lot like Lil' Brudder as I limped across the lot, dragging my crippled leg behind me.

So it's not broken, just very, very sprained, as I discovered when I went to the doctors immediately after my final. They've got me on crutches though, which is kind of embarrassing (they originally wanted me in a wheelchair, but I was having none of that nonsense.) The nurses all commented on how fast I was moving on the crutches on the way out - I'm probably headed for another injury at this rate. I'm supposed to stay off it for a week, so I guess it's good timing that school is out and I won't have to face the stairs of CSUSM, but it's also bad timing because I just ordered my Cobalt Flux dance pad and I'm not going to be able to use it for a while once it comes in. Also, I'm not sure if I'll be able to work this weekend; marquee for tonight is definitely out. I might just be headed for a weekend of nothing but video games... wouldn't that just be terrible.

Performing Arts Recap

I just wrote a long recap of my semester for an assignment, and decided to post it here randomly - read if you're bored and/or trying to avoid studying for finals.




This semester has by far been the most eye opening in my entire collegiate career thus far, and a large part of that would be thanks to this course. What started as a class simply taken to fulfill an obscure degree requirement quickly became a tool for overhauling my life and busting my “shell” wide open. A friend put it best by saying “not that you had much of a shell to begin with, but it's completely gone now.”

Even before the start of the workshops, I could tell that this experience would be significant, even within the first few class sessions. I remember being at the first class session, sitting in the back of the room with my laptop open, intent to continue to live in my own world and interact as little as possible. On the second day, I brought my laptop, but never took it out of the bag. After that, I simply left it at home, and found myself sitting with other people, getting to know my fellow peers and actually learning their names. Never before in college had I bothered to even learn people's names – for me, college was always just a place where I went to study and then go home; a tool for learning. I remember acting out an obscure scene from Mystery Men and singing “Part of Your World” in front of a room full of complete strangers during those initial days and wondering where this new found confidence came from.

Admittedly, a lot of that confidence was found from my experiences from earlier in the year. The first part of this year was complete hell, to be succinct. After a cavalcade of hard times in my personal life, what should have led to complete meltdown instead led to a razor sharp focus on figuring out who I was, going through a “format C drive” of sorts. This included a newfound obsession with DDR, which helped me lose 50 pounds (so far.) I have to believe that the weight loss had a lot to do with my newly gained confidence, which, in turn, really helped me open up during the first workshop with Pat Payne. By the end of it, I was silly walking, making up poetry on the spot and then reciting it in front of people, and doing things that would have been embarrassing mere months prior but for some reason were not. It felt like the events in my life, including my personal strife and my taking of this course, all aligned in an almost cosmic fashion. I realized this during my final performance for Pat Payne, where I paid tribute to that dark period of this year and how I learned to overcome it. I feel we all created true art that night.

The second workshop was eye opening, but it a much different sense. It wasn't all fun and games – now that I had gotten to know these fine people, our new bonds of friendship were to be put to the test, as we faced the irony of a workshop that dealt with topics of oppression but actually felt more oppressive than the topics we were dealing with. Had I been given the choice, I would not have chosen this workshop, as I typically try to avoid topics in art that involve politics or strong personal opinions. That's not to say that the workshop was a waste of time, however – though we dealt with a few rough edges, I feel everyone came out of the workshop feeling united, having successfully made order out of the chaos that was the theater for the oppressed. Sometimes stress can really help people come together and solve problems. Myself and several others celebrated this after the performance by having a crazy dance party.

A long drought of performance art followed the second workshop, as I was not signed up for another workshop until the last one in December. I sat there feeling mildly left out as I watched people update their Facebook pages with images from the Body Cartography project which looked like a lot of fun, and an even greater bonding experience. I kept myself busy, however, through other projects. I was delighted that I was able to work with many people from my performing arts class on these projects (included one in which I was invited to do,) so I never really felt completely isolated. I was glad that these people still wanted to talk to me outside of class.

Despite my lack of physical presence in the class, I was still learning quite a bit through the required readings. The writings of Anna Deveare Smith were particularly interesting – rather than being advice for potential artists, I saw the book as more of advice on how to live life in general. A few things stuck out of me. First, her words on self awareness - “As an artist, you are both in life and commentating on life. That's your position.” Self awareness is one of the more interesting concepts we studied this semester, as it's always something that's fascinated me, and something I've sought to have. For a long time I've felt that there were two parts to me: the one whose a part of the sitcom that is my life, and the one whose writing the screenplay. As time goes one, I feel like those two halves are beginning to integrate. In another reading, she talks of loneliness and isolation, about about how you need to really get inside the heads of people who are more alone than you to really understand this concept. I scanned and sent this reading to a friend of mine who is studying abroad in Scotland to help her get over her sense of homesickness.

Tim Miller also had some interesting things to write about. The thing that interested me most about reading Tim Miller's work (“Some Golden States” in particular) was seeing how many places he'd actually been, right around the same age I am right now. It really makes me excited for whatever journey I'm about to happen upon in my near future.

When the Esther Chae workshop rolled around, I came back with a renewed sense of focus, probably because of my itching to do something creative again. Though I was initially disappointed that I would not be acting for the workshop, I was delighted to discover a screenplay I wrote in my other class was chosen to be acted out by our actors. This was thrilling for me, as I'd never seen a story I'd written literally come to life before my eyes; it's inspired me to want to expand my stories and actually film them myself. I also had an opportunity get my feet wet with several different types of AV equipment. It was great getting to know Will White and the rest of the tech crew, and to just see the whole workshop take place from behind the scenes – it's really neat having a hand at the inner workings of such an operation.

The whole thing came down to a public show on Dec. 5th, where we displayed the end results of the workshop, as well as recapped the rest of the semester. I was surprised by the warm welcome I received as I emceed the event. I also felt a sense of pride as my family and friends from outside of school were there to see what we were doing and what it was all about. The event really felt like a good cap to the whole semester – this story has come to a close, yet just begun at the same time (as goofy as that sounds.)

So I've learned a few things, as to be expected. First, I've learned that art cannot be forced. This was a lesson learned through both Pat Payne and Forum theater; I can only create when it's something I care about, and if that means I have to wait around until I find it, then that's fine with me. I've learned that there should really be no hesitation when it comes to performance – like getting in a pool, you really just have to jump in and not worry (in fact, I did jump into a pool, literally, fully clothed this semester for the sake of art.)

Among other thing's I've learned, perhaps most important is that I've discovered that I want to try as many different new things as possible. This semester I discovered a lot of new things about myself, including some hidden talents, and I'm now wondering what else I'm capable of. If I fail, that's cool – at least I'll have tried. For next semester I've signed up for dance, vocal ensemble, and I'm also going to be in the Spring play – all things I've never done in my life. I'm scared but also excited.

Goals for myself include trying a wealth of new things (I'd like to try some new physical activity; dance is a good start), as well as compiling a more comprehensive collection of my work. I already have a pretty good website up and running, but I need to seriously take a look at either doing a massive update or overhauling the thing all together. I need to sit down with counselors again and take another look at my school progress and see exactly where I'm going. Above all, I need to keep doing things – seems vague, yes, but that's the most important thing. I don't ever want to fall back into my state of apathy I found myself at the beginning of this year. I wish to stay active, healthy, and striving for more knowledge and new experiences. This class has been the perfect start to this – it's helped me open up, show me things I've never considered, and get me to do things I didn't know I had within myself. I feel like my life is in the middle of a great period of change, and this class has been an excellent tool in perpetuating that for the good.

My Artist Statement

Alright, last video for a while (until I make something new, anyway.)

There was no asssignment or anything attached to this, really. We recorded our personal statements during the first day of Esther Chae's workshop to practice being on camera. I liked how mine turned out, so I stole it from the school server and, just for fun, started editing on my own time - what you see above is the end result. I'm actually really happy with how it turned out, and I think I'll probably use it for resume/portfolio type things when I need that sort of thing down the line.

Well, the hard part of this semester is over, for the most part. I have a few papers to write, a Spanish final to study for, and a presentation on art and the internet on Tuesday morning to give. Then I can finally relax.



OH WAIT. HOTEL FOR DOGS.


Well, shit...

Behind the Scenes at the Esther Chae Workshop

So last night went awesome like. Good turn out, movies all turned out great, and somehow I ended up being the emcee for the whole thing (probably because of my hair, I'm not gonna lie.)

This next video was actually something we showed last night - a behind the scenes look at our week of Esther Chae workshop. I spent close to 20 hours in this place this week, and that was before editing, but I had a great time, as indicated by this video.

Escape Plan

From the makers of "Detour" comes "Escape Plan", the next half-assed, mildly amusing film featuring all the same actors and locations. Yay!!!

And if you like that, here's a blooper reel, which is probably funnier than the actual film itself.

I think I've got two more files on the way. Right now, I've got to prepare for the big end of semester performing arts workshop wrap-up show.

Step Pad Poetry

Next up on the video queue is "Step Pad Poetry", which is my DDR solo performance I made quite a big deal about a few months ago. Now, people can finally see it.

Funny thing is, in the performance I mention losing 40 pounds, but since then I've lost another 10, so I still feel like I look a lot different than I did back then. I'm hoping that I'll inspire a few random people who may happen across it.

FUN FACT: This performance had no title until a random guy I encountered between classes stopped me and said "Hey, you're that guy, with the step pad poetry. Pretty cool." I liked the sound of that, so that's the title.

Mood Study

So I've been at school from 9am to 10pm everyday this week finishing up miscellaneous projects and getting ready for the final workshop show on Friday night (8pm, Arts 111 should anyone be interested). In the process I've been able to rip, compress, encode and otherwise compile many different video projects from the semester. As I upload them to YouTube I'll post them.

The first one is a project that was actually helmed by my friend Sarah Fiehler - it's a mood study of anxiety, using interpretive dance and a catchy electronic tune. We filmed this sometime around the end of September, and she let me upload it to my YouTube because she was dragging her own feet doing it herself.

We had a lot of fun shooting this, especially when the transit authority came over the God speakers and threatened to call the police on us. At any rate, hope you enjoy.

I've Lost My Mind, For Real This Time

I just came home from a rousing game of Cranium, but I can't sleep, despite the fact that I'm getting up early to go to Knott's with my dad and my sisters. Because it's so late (or early...?), I'm not expecting much coherence from this, so I apologize in advance.

Well, this semester is beginning to wrap up, and I've signed up for classes for next semester. Before I get into that, I have to say that this has easily been the most enjoyable semester I've had in college (not just at CSUSM either.) I've tried new things, been sociable, made friends, and learned quite a bit. Laura described it perfectly - "Not that you had much of a shell to begin with, but whatever shell you may have been in, it's completely gone now." I've also had some great opportunities and have found myself excelling at many things I never really thought I had a talent for. Case in point: my final performing arts workshop is an acting for camera workshop with the very talented actress Esther Chae. Out of many student screenplays submitted, mine was chosen by Esther and the CSUSM arts department to be acted and filmed for the workshop (with my serving as editor and director), which will then result in a public screening this Friday. Screenwriting is not something I've ever tried before this year, and I guess someone thinks I have talent.

A couple weeks ago I auditioned for the spring play. I did it mainly out of impulse, based on some encouraging words from one of my instructors. My thinking was that there would probably be quite a bit of people trying out, most of them drama students who knew the ropes of this sort of thing, and that I probably didn't have much of a chance, so my approach to this was very casual. As proof, I used William H. Macy's egg salad speech from Mystery Men for my monologue -

Well, I had them laughing at the audition, and I wasn't sure if that was good or bad at the time, but lo and behold, I made the cut! Must've done something right.

The play is called "Big Love", and from the little I've read of it, it seems pretty awesome. It's a drama/comedy set in Italy, with a lot of dark humor and such. It has nothing to do with the TV series on Showtime, which I'd never heard of until people started asking me about it when I told them about the play. I haven't read the whole play yet, but here's what Wiki says about it:


Big Love is a play by American playwright Charles L. Mee. Based on Aeschylus's The Supplicants, it is about fifty brides who flee to a manor in Italy to avoid marrying their fifty cousins. The play takes the plot of the original Greek play into modern times, including such details as having the grooms ambush the brides by helicopter. While the brides and grooms wait for their wedding day, the characters raise issues of gender politics, love, and domestic violence. The first production of the play was directed by Les Waters at the Actor's Theatre of Louisville in 2000.

In a 2003 interview with Open Stages newsletter, Mee said, "[I wanted to go back to what some people thought was one of the earliest plays of the Western World, which is The Suppliant Women, and see how that would look today. See if it still spoke to the moment, and of course it does. It’s all about refugees and gender wars and men and women trying to find what will get them through the rubble of dysfunctional relationships, and anger and rage and heartache. ...You know, unlike so much drama on television, where there’s a small misunderstanding at the top of the hour that you know is going to be resolved before the final commercial break. The Greeks start with matricide, fratricide..."


So that's all pretty exciting. I think being in a show is something I've always secretly wanted to do, but never pursued because I just thought it'd be something I'd never have a chance at. So this will be fun, and I'll be able to get it out of my system. Right now, though, I have to be honest and say that I've kind of been freaking out about it.

As for the rest of school, here's my tentative schedule for next semester:

Yeah, this is where the "I've lost my mind" part comes in. At the moment I'm signed up for Advanced Video Production, Advanced Computer Art, History of the Moving Image, Global Modern Dance, Vocal Ensemble, and Production Workshop (play rehearsals.) That's 19 units; the most I've ever attempted at one time is 15, and I ended up dropping one of those courses. Noticeably missing from the lineup is Spanish - I should be finishing the language requirement this semester, but budget cuts at all CSU level schools have led to the school cutting half of the Spanish courses, leaving the remaining courses to fill up within 2 days (2 days in which I was unable to register because I had a hold on my record for not knowing Microsoft Excel... a whole other aggravating story.) So that's something that'll have to wait until at least the summer, unfortunately.

How I'm going to balance this all with my job remains to be seen. To be honest, I probably won't; I'm anticipating dropping at least one of these courses (probably Vocal Ensemble, as much as I'd love to take it,) but I'm going to at least show up to everything for the first few weeks and see how that goes. There's just so many things I want to try, and I'm realizing that this is the time in my life where I need to start doing things.


Well, I had more to write, about life, friends, etc., but I'm actually tired now.

To Be Continued...

"I'm very pleased to see you again, Lara..."

I've been kind of MIA for the last several days. This is why.


In all seriousness, though, I've just been really busy. Lots and lots of school work to do, but it's all very exciting, and I'll probably detail all of it in another post in the near future. Despite my heavy workload I've really been feeling fantastic lately.

Well, now I had the writing bug, but I think I just lost it. Crap. Well, I think maybe I just wanted to let my faithful readers know that I'm still around.

Speaking of faithful readers, I've picked up a few more in the last month or two. Whoever you guys are, thanks for caring :)

My Fifteen Seconds

(click image to expand)

So I was a featured artist in last week's issue of the school newspaper, which has probably marked the height of my achievements this semester. So far I've ranted in front of an audience about my drama filled life and my conquest of DDR, jumped out of a moving vehicle, ran into a swimming pool while fully clothed, chased seagulls around while screaming , become a malevolent cell phone demon, and shed blood numerous times, all for the sake of "art" - I feel like my mention in the paper is probably earned.

Wordle - November

www.worldle.net - click to expand

Obama FTW

So with all the good things to come with today's news, most people seem to be overlooking the two most important items of all.

1 - With Barack Obama now the president, we can all look forward to seeing an Obama ROBOT at the Hall of Presidents in Walt Disney World sometime this year. A robot. Awesome.

2 - In four years, when Obama is up for reelection, this video will once again be relevant! Hells yes!!!

In semi-related news, prop 8 is going to pass, so that's discouraging. All I can say to that right now is, well, we can't change the world all at once. The abortion thing also irks me, though I'm still confused on the specifics of that proposition. Guess it doesn't matter, as the results are already in.


Last night I went to my friend Katherine's house with a bunch of other performance arts kiddies and some of her work peoples to watch the election results and chase a cat around, which was all a good time in general. After that, we watched Rent until 2:30 in the morning. That was delightfully random.

Halloween Stuff

Took me a while to getting around to doing this ... I figure during class is probably a good time.

Oct 16th, Knott's happened, and it was pretty freaking rad, as usual.



Every new maze this year was impressive, which was quite a feat, as there were a whole six of them (as opposed to the one or two of them they usually add each year.) My favorite was probably Club Blood, which was a vampire nightclub which was both scary and hot at the same time.

Monday the 27th, Vince threw a crazy potluck party at Marlene's house. Punkin carving, spooky food, costume contests and Little Shop of Horrors happened. Amy, Ryan and I dressed as Lock, Shock and Barrel from Nightmare. That inspired Vince and Maritza to go as Jack and Sally, which made for a cool group theme.


(props to Maritza for the following pic)


A pretty good party, I'd say. Mostly box office people, who I don't typically hang out with, but I still had a pretty good time. My favorite costume was probably Kevin Glickman as Dwight from The Office.

Two days after that, we saw Nightmare in 3D at Horton Plaza. It'd been the first time I'd seen a movie at Horton Plaza since they re-released Empire Strikes Back in the 90's, interestingly enough. Also, I seriously freaking hate Horton Plaza. I think it was Vince who said something along the lines of giving a retarded child Sim City and letting him design a mall and parking structure.

But, of course, Nightmare Before Christmas was no less awesome as it's always been. Also, we stopped at a Denny's on the way back, but didn't eat there because there was a brawl between some white trash girl and a drunk zombie from Del Mar Scare Grounds. We instead went to Ihop where I enjoyed punkin pancakes.

Also, our theater in San Marcos is supposed to be getting RealD projectors early next year, so hopefully we'll be getting Nightmare 3d for next Halloween. I will probably watch it every night if that happens.


Halloween was a bit more low key compared to the events surrounding. From everyone I talked to, it seemed most people had relatively uneventful Halloween nights, but I think our group of friends had a good time. Most of us had work earlier in the day - a few good costumes there, but I was kind of disappointed that not many people took advantage of the chance to dress up for work. The best costume was easily the guy who came as Vince for his costume.

After work Vince, Amy, John, Lona, Ted, Jay and Kyle Foot came over to my house to watch these movies:



Before the movies we were able to squeeze in a Frugo's run, where I exposed even more people the the awesomeness that is self-serve frozen yogurt. But the highlight of the party was easily Ryan calling Vince on a restricted number while we watched The Ring, thoroughly freaking him out for most of the movie, and secretly camping out in my backyard for half an hour to scare us half way through the movie.

Finally, Nov. 1st marked the end of Halloween this year with Noella's Halloween party. Noella is a phenomenal hostess for these type of things, which was evident not only in extensive preparation and theming, but the huge amount of people who showed up. Even Ryan didn't know most of the people there. Ryan, Amy and I resumed out roles as Lock, Shock and Barrell for the party.



Also, these guys were awesome, even when drunk.



So, another October comes to an end, which makes me sad as it's always my favorite month of the year. Next year I'm hoping we can do a Universal Horror NightS visit, and maybe an overnight Knott's pre-scare trip. We'll see what happens.

On a closing note, today is election day. If you haven't voted yet and are still undecided, let Neil Cicierega show you how to do it.

"Do you have a hypothesis?"

Behold, my new short film, Detour, is now online. When the first video ends, be sure to click on the "pt. 2" pop-up to see the second part.

Outtakes for the movie can be found on my YouTube homepage - www.fravit.net/films is the quick way there.

Cooking by the Book (?)

So it's my mom's birthday, and my little sister, Jessie, was tasked with baking her a cake while my mom was out at the casino for most of today, as Jessie is the one around my house typically does the baking. Well, I guess she decided she had plans of her own today, and left the job to my other sister, Andrea, who has never baked anything in her life. This left Jessie feeling the need to completely idiot proof every step of the process, including labeling "eggs" and "water", you know, in case she didn't know what those were. The above image is what I found when I awoke today and wandered into the kitchen (as always, click for a larger view.)


So last night I ventured out into San Diego with Brett, Sarah, and Christina, who are some of my performing arts buddies. It was Christina's 21st birthday, and we met up with some of her other friends at the Shout House, which is a dueling piano club in the Gaslamp. Music came from all genres, ranging from classic rock to rap, country, contemporary, and everything in between. The strangest moment had to be the transition between them playing Baby Got Back, and then someone paying them $20 to play Nintendo songs, which included every song from Mario Bros 1 through 3, the themes from Zelda, Mike Tyson's Punch Out, and a few other obscurities.

After some random wanderings and adventurings, we ended up in some random dance club type place in North Park for about half an hour before they closed up. I'm not even sure where North Park is, to tell the truth, but it was kind of shady and made for a good adventure, I think. Then I somehow ended up in some strangers house for a while before Brett and I decided we were both tired and it was time to head out. On the way out we were told of a burrito stand up the street, which we somehow thought was in proper walking distance, but ended up being a bit farther than we thought, so we ended up on an hour long round-trip burrito adventure through North Park at 2 am. The upshot was that I was treated with easily the largest breakfast burrito I'd ever seen in my life. And now I can't eat for the next 3 days.


You know, getting back to my sister's cake situation, I'm now thinking that, if she really needs that much help trying to figure out how to bake a cake, maybe I should just do it for her. Yeah... I think I'm going to go do that before the kitchen is destroyed.

Here's Something

So, my computer is up and running again. I never got my internet card working, so I went to the store and bought the cheapest network card that said "works with vista" on the box. I cheated, I know, but the $8 card seemed to do the trick, and everything is now running beautifully.

While I was transferring files from my old computer I found a notepad file I compiled while I was reading the Twilight series. I've recently taken habit of noting book page numbers in my cell phone when I'm reading and I find a passage I like. Not sure why. At any rate, since I never gave my full thoughts of the series (and probably never will,) I'll just leave you with these - many of them reflect how I feel or may have felt at some period of time, and some of them I just like how they're written; I'll leave you to decide which are which.

__________________________________________________

Twilight

"When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to greive when it comes to an end." pg 1

"I intuitively knew - and sense he did, too - that tomorrow would be pivotal. Our relationship couldn't continue to balance, as it did, on the point of a knife. We would fall off one edge or the other..." pg 248

"For three and a half hours I stared at the wall, culred in a ball, rocking. My mind went around in circles, trying to come up with some way out of this nightmare. There was no escape, no reprieve. I could see only one possible end looming darkly in the my future. The only question was how many other people would be hurt before I reached it." pg 425

New Moon

"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me." pg 93

"Jacob was simply a perpetually happy person, and he carried that happiness with him like an aura, sharing it with whoever was near him. Like an earthbound sun, whenever someone was within his gravitational pull, Jacob warmed them. It was natural, a part of who he was. No wonder I was so eager to see him." pg 145

"What was the point of going any farther? Nothing lingered here. Nothing more than the memories that I could have called back whenever I wanted to, if I was ever willing to endure the corresponding pain - the pain that had me now, had me cold. There was nothing special about this place without him. I wasn't exactly sure what I'd hoped to feel here, but the meadow was empty of atmosphere, empty of everything, just like everywhere else. Just like my nightmares. My head swirled dizzily." pg 234

"I shook my head sadly. Love is irrational, I reminded myself. The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made." pg 340

"How many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating? I'd lived through a lot that should have finished me in the last few days, but it didn't make me feel strong. Instead, I felt horribly fragile, like one word could shatter me." pg 495

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a motionless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason.
...and then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was billiancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything." pg 514

Eclipse

"It's so hard to describe. It's not like love at first sight, really. It's more like ... gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it's not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for he, be anything for her... You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother." pg 176

__________________________________________________

More Tidbits:

- I just watched Saw V and High School Musical 3 both in the same evening, which was really disorienting for some reason. I still feel perplexed, dizzy, and somewhat queasy, and I'm not sure which movie is responsible for what entirely.

- My next project pic is "Hotel for Dogs" - not a bad choice, I guess. Also, I'm sad to report that I got no lovin' for Narnia, but just means I need to get crazier next time around. My resolve remains unbroken!

- I'm going to be featured in the school newspaper at CSUSM for my artwork and my DDR poetry performance from last month. So that's pretty cool.

- Big news in the So-Cal theme park industry this week. New rides for California Adventure, Universal Studios, and Magic Mountain have been announced. I also hear rumors that Knott's is getting another big ride next year, also. I'm going to dedicate a post to all this later, I think.

- I'm about to get real busy real quickly, as I have a TON of school work to catch up on. Somehow it all crept up on me. The timing on this can't be worse, because...

- HOLY CRAP, CALL OF DUTY 4 IS AWESOME !!!

Sandwich

Balloon Shop wishes everyone a happy sandwich.

Some tidbits:
- Knott's Scary Farm was amazing this year, probably the best so far (except for the Hanging - I am never going to watch that show again.)
- My student film,'Detour', is finished now. Should be online soon.
- Still trying to get internet to work on my PC, and I'm tearing my hair out over it. But at least I can play Call of Duty 4...
- There's a chance I might be going out dancing (?) with some CSU friends this Saturday night. That should be interesting.
- High School Musical 3 comes out this Thursday at midnight - BE THERE.

I'll leave you with these words of wisdom from the great Kyle Foot:

"...that's like flying the Wright brothers' plane into the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier!"

My Never Ending Battle

Updates have been scarce because I just recently purchased an Nvidia GTX 260 card and Windows Vista for my home PC, and I'm having trouble getting everything in my system to work. As of right now, it seems the only thing I still haven't been able to get up and running is the internet, so I've had my laptop set up on my desk next to my PC to download drivers and transfer them over to my PC using a thumb drive.

So far I'm actually really liking Windows Vista, but I can see why people complain about compatibility issues - it should not take this long to get simple things like sound and networking to work. All in all, it's been a real pain in the ass, but it'll be worth it as long as I can play Tomb Raider Underworld when it comes out next month.

Aside from working on my PC this last week, I filmed a short movie with some CSU peeps, entitled "Detour", which I've been hard at work editing. Earlier this week I briefly posted an early cut of the movie on this blog, but removed it shortly after since the finished version (complete with outtakes) should been ready sometime next week. Shooting happened almost entirely in one day, with our group driving all around San Marcos scouting different locations and what not. Highlights from this project included:
- Jumping out of a moving car.
- Cameos from Ryan and Jay, with Jay playing a schizophrenic hitchhiker named Pancho Villa.
- "Borrowing" the theater's entire supply of rubber bands and inexplicably spreading them all over the back seats of my car.
- Getting yelled at and almost gotten the cops called on us by a crazy lady in some neighborhood because she thought we were child rapists.


On Monday we celebrated Amy's birthday at Disneyland, which proved to be a pleasant day despite the fireworks being canceled due to winds. Note of interest - Monday was the first time in at least a decade where I rode the carousel. Six adults riding a carousel belting the lyrics to "Once Upon a Dream" must have been a sight, I'm sure.

I'm starting to feel the crunch of school right now, but my head's still above water at the moment. I have our annual Knott's Haunt trip on Thursday to look forward to (which literally my entire year builds up to,) and lets not forgot tonight's finale of Project Runway! So much excitement awaits for me, dear readers.

If I don't write again for a while, it will be because I'm too stubborn to take a break from trying to get internet to work on my PC.

The Little Mermaid

A few movie nights ago I opted for the Hunchback of Notre Dame as one of our picks, which was met with much opposition. After getting one of my friends to admit that Hunchback is, in fact, a good movie, he continued on to say that "...there's no denying that it is a complete bastardization of the the book." I cannot agree more with this statement, but it did get me thinking about some of the other Disney adaptations one day while I was driving around listening to Disney songs in my car, as I do quite often. With the amount of liberties that Disney has taken with it's stories in the past, why is Hunchback the one that gets picked on for it? Surely, there must be an adaptation that's more damaging, I thought. One such movie that struck me was The Little Mermaid.

Few need a recap of this story, but I'll go ahead and provide one anyway:

Ariel is the daughter of King Triton, ruler of the sea, and lives with her six (or so) other sisters in a huge undersea palace, with every luxury royalty can provide. But this luxury is not enough for Ariel, as she longs to live in the world of men, from which she's collected many strange artifacts in a secret cavern - a cavern which is secret because she knows her dad would lose it if he ever found out about it. Her interest in the world above is only heightened by a chance encounter with Prince Eric, whom Ariel rescues after a shipwreck (but not before serenading him with a beautiful, impromptu love song as he chokes on water.) Of course, it's not long before Triton finds the cavern and totally freaking loses it, destroying all of her possessions and succeeding to ruin her life. This leads Ariel to sign a deal with Ursula, who's long been exiled from the kingdom for unknown reasons. Ursula has a sketchy reputation, but luckily knows a bit of magic and makes a living from screwing over those "poor, unfortunate souls" who think they're about to have their dreams come true. She is essentially the devil. Ariel agrees to an arrangement in which she's temporarily turned into a human and must get Eric to fall in love with her and kiss her before the end of three days. If the terms are met, she stays human; if not, she turns into a slimy, sea slug thingy and becomes part of Ursula's gross sea garden for all eternity. Her fee for the spell is her voice - a sketchy deal indeed, but Ariel reluctantly agrees.

Unfortunately, Ariel has a hard time getting the prince to fall in love with her without her voice, as it was the beautiful love song that Eric associated her with in the first place. She also has a hard time not looking completely retarded as a human, which is a good reason for Eric to not want to marry her because, hey, he's a prince! What would the kingdom think, you know?

So two days pass and, aside from a close call involving a spiffy musical number in a boat with some singing fish, not much happens. Ursula, now becoming increasingly uneasy, decides to turn herself into a human and use Ariel's voice to get Eric to fall in love with her instead. It works, and they decide to get married THE NEXT DAY. To summarize the last bits of the movie, Ariel and her sea friends totally frack up the wedding (which is conveniently held on a boat), Ursula loses it, reveals to everyone that Ariel is a mermaid and that she is a scary octopus bitch, and she steals Ariel to add her to her garden. It's then that Triton shows up and makes a deal of his own, offering up himself to the slug garden in place of Ariel. Ursula jumps at the deal, reversing the transformation, and uses the opportunity to steal Triton's magic trident and then turn Ariel into a slug anyway. Turns out, this was Ursula's plan all along; she wanted to control the sea via the trident, using Ariel as a pawn to take down the king - how no one saw this coming is a mystery to me. Just when Ursula begins to transform into a towering column of tentacled doom and all hope appears to be lost, enter Prince Eric! His plan? Drive a boat straight into the middle of that bitch and watch her burn! Simple, yet effective. There's lightning, fireworks, explosions, and all kinds of awesome special effects. Sweet.

The story ends with Triton realizing that maybe he's been too hard on his daughter and uses his trident to restore Ariel's voice and turn her into a human for good. Music plays, rainbows appear, and Ariel and Eric are married as Triton and co. wonder if they'll ever see Ariel again. Meh... maybe in the direct to video sequel.





Let me first begin my stating that I love The Little Mermaid. Now that that's out of the way, here's what we've got in our story: a spoiled teenage girl who has everything she could ask for, yet somehow still think she's deprived. She's got a loving, responsible father with only the best intentions. While every father may be fearful of seeing their daughter grow up and leave one day, Triton's concern is primarily that of safety - the human world provides a serious threat to the merpeople, and he's really just trying to make sure she doesn't get killed via spear or fishhook - not unreasonable.

Perhaps Triton went a bit overboard destroying her stuff, but Ariel's next move - essentially selling her soul to the devil - is never justified. What follows is a situation where Ariel manages to mess things up so badly than only those around her can pull her out of the tangled mess shes managed to make. Ariel never grows or changes as a character - by the end, she relies on everyone else to fix the mistake she's created, and yet is still the same whiny teenager from the start. So I ask: does anyone else see a problem with this situation??? Why is a character who complains about her wonderful life, signs a deal with Satan, disowns her father for being responsible, and puts all of her friends in mortal peril still awarded with a happy ending? Ariel literally does nothing to earn anything in this story, and still gets everything she wants. What kind of a message is this sending to all the little girls watching, especially those who are prone to become followers of Paris Hilton and other such spoiled, rich skanks?

Of course, while we're on the subject on bastardizing books, the original Little Mermaid's ending plays out nothing like this. Ariel's motivations are far different; mermaids, according to the book, do not have souls, and eventually become sea foam when they die after 200 years of life - something that can be remedied by marrying a human. I'll spare the rest of the details, but the story ultimately ends with Ariel sacrificing her own life so that Prince Eric can live a happy one with an already human girl. Obviously, the movie deviates quite a bit from the original story - as much, if not more than Hunchback does. Both movies take many liberties with the source materials, but Hunchback, I believe, is the clear victor when it comes to telling something our youth needs to hear: life can be cruel and unfair, but it does absolutely no good to wallow in self-pity. Quasimodo, unlike Ariel, has been dealt some of the worst cards in life what can be dealt; he's deformed, orphaned, raised by an evil tyrant, and is forever locked inside a bell tower because, according to his master, the world will not accept him. After fighting the good fight, and rescuing the girl who ultimately does not reciprocate his feelings of love, Quasimodo discovers that, yes, life is cruel, but that doesn't mean you can't still make the best of it - a much better message for today's youth.

I seemed to have complained a lot about The Little Mermaid and yet have offered little to no solutions. So here's what I'd do to change the ending, if given the chance:

Option 1: The ending plays out much like it does currently, with one change: Triton and Eric end up in the garden, and it is Ariel who somehow has to defeat Ursula in the end. Given this scenario, she will have at least done something to earn her happy ending, and feminists would probably get a kick out of the princess saving the prince.

Option 2: After Ursula is defeated by Eric, we learn that only Ursula's black magic could have given Ariel legs, and she is to remain a mermaid. Ariel and Eric are dismayed by this discovery, but ultimately decide that their love is too great to let something like that get in the way, and they decide to somehow be together anyway. In this situation, Ariel is still bailed out by her friends, but does not get everything she wants - she has to work for her happy ending. This would be just the type of change in character she needs, and a perfect example of how two people can make a relationship work, despite great obstacles, if their love is great enough.

Option 3: Eric still saves the day, which is then followed by a scene where Ariel has to choose between Eric and his world or her friends and family. She then realizes what a spoiled brat she's been and decides to remain a mermaid, despite her love for Eric. Triton, clearly moved by his daughter's decision and change of character, decides to change Eric into a merman, thus rewarding Ariel for her new found maturity. The two live happily ever after, under the sea.


Like I said before, I still think The Little Mermaid is a great movie, but only when I consciously decide to look past the protagonist's obvious character flaws.

And damn it, one of these movie nights we are going to watch Hunchback! I swear, it WILL happen...

Wordle

A friend of mine is a member of a blog that he keeps with his former college roommates, and one of those roommates recently posted a link to a website which creates some rather interesting art work from words. The above image is comprised of random text from my last 10 blog posts - a pretty good visual representation of my brain at the moment (click on the image for a larger view.) I'll try to post one of these every once in a while, just to get a good look at where my head's at.


www.wordle.net

Best. Wedding. Evar.

Not much else needs to be said.



The DDR pads at Dave and Buster's better be ready for me when I get there tonight.

Live and Learn

Disclaimer: Despite the promises made in the last post, I haven't watched High School Musical yet. I'm still the same person as before - a liar and a coward. But soon, very soon...

So in a stunning turn of events, I actually find myself having to retract my prior statements on my recent performing arts workshop. While it may have been true that by the end of Wednesday night I was ready to smash my head into concrete, Thursday proved to be almost an entire 180 - it seemed everyone's cumulative frustrations in our group resulted in a razor sharp focus the next day, with many new ideas to help improve our act. Everyone's contributions mingled and merged, which eventually turned our disaster of a play into something cohesive and actually somewhat entertaining.

I was feeling much more confident by the time Friday rolled around, with the only remaining worry being whether or not people who came to the show would get involved. The concept of forum theater is that groups of actors create short plays which address certain issues or social problems. Each play is performed once through, and then repeated in exactly the same matter after all have been performed. The difference the second time through is that audience members have the opportunity and are encouraged to stop the action of the play (by literally yelling "stop") at the appropriate moment and take the place of the protagonist in the show. They are then able to alter the course of the narrative, showing how they would solve the social problem and ultimately beat their oppressor.

The night before the show, someone in our class asked what would happen if no one wanted to participate, to which the instructor said "I've never seen that happen. Ever." Our show was no different. The first two sketches were about materialism, and big businesses sacrificing the environment for money. Our group went on third, and we did a sketch which addressed technology, and how cell phone usage actually moves society more towards isolation than towards being connected. It was a little cheesy, with myself and another girl playing the malevolent spirits of technology who are out to ruin a party by keeping people from interacting through text messages, but it was overall played more for laughs, and I think it got the point across.

It was the fourth group, however, who stole the show, addressing illegal immigration. Their sketch involved an illegal immigrant working at a clothing store who has to confront his boss about why he was being payed less than minimum wage. Apparently, this was an issue that hit home with nearly everyone in attendance - the time spent reenacting this sketch was nearly an hour, making it so that we never actually got a chance to replay our sketch a second time (which was both a relief and kind of disappointing at the same time.) Solutions to the issue included flattering the boss, taking legal action, forming unions, blackmail, and even shoplifting from the store. By far the most exciting moment of the night came when one of the audience members actually managed to start a full on protest on stage, which involved all four groups storming the stage to become protesters.

In all, this issue seemed to be something that many people really cared about. I also feel like the ones who didn't care all that much about it cared a little more when they left the show. So, I have to take back what I said in the last post; I believe that, while we may not have actually solved anything, we did accomplish something, and hopefully inspired a few people.

Following the show, everyone enjoyed snacks and refreshments, during which actors could talk to the audience members and such. While I didn't hear much about our sketch or the first two, what with the immigration group clearly being the highlight, I was surprised and extremely flattered when at least four different people approached me saying that they remembered me and my DDR act from the last performance and how much they liked it. One woman said that she was deeply moved by how I've managed to use a hobby to get myself back on my feet, and someone else said that they were actually inspired to go out and buy DDR - none of this I was expecting, though I guess I didn't stick around long after the last performance for people to notice me. I'm really happy that I was able to inspire people - something I don't have much experience in.

At some point, Sarah, the other malevolent cell phone demon from my group, hooked up her Ipod to the AV system and started playing Daft Punk and some other cool dance music. Normally, I don't dance, nor do I do it in public in front of strangers (as Brett put it, "I've got the rhythm, but I don't have the moves.") None of that stopped me on Friday night, though. For about 6 or 7 of us it turned into a crazy dance party. Karen Schaffman, one of the instructors of this course, even tried to talk me into taking up a dance minor - unlikely, but I don't think I'd rule out taking some dance classes for fun. That all lasted for nearly an hour until we were all too tired and decided to help clean up and go home. Before I left, I made sure to thank Doug Paterson, the artist who led the workshop, for opening my eyes to another form of performance art, despite my initial frustrations. I ended up getting home at midnight, where I then had to write a paper on the shipping industry and containerization...

So I've been feeling pretty good as of late. I seem to have found a good balance between school, work, and friends, at least for the moment. I had a bunch of my friends over on Saturday night for "movie night", which was real relaxing, and also a nice change, as people don't usually visit my house.

My birthday is on Tuesday, but as I type I can feel myself catching a cold. Hopefully it'll peak tomorrow and I'll be well enough for Dave and Busters by Tuesday night - it won't prevent me from going, but potentially from enjoying myself. Regardless, some Spanish homework, and then time for bed.

"In order to summon the power for the conflict to come you must first have power over that which conflicts you."

Half Time

I'm sitting in my car, listening to OC Supertones and waiting for performing arts workshop. And, I feel like writing, I guess.

Started the day heading to my 9am Spanish class slightly late, and traffic was particularly bad this morning, so I did my homework in the car at stoplights. I've gotten pretty good at that actually. I used my Tech/Social change class as a chance to catch up on some journal assignments for the course, as well as pay my bills, which was funny to me. Thank God I can use my laptop during that class.

I left school at around noon to discover that my gas gauge was way below the E on my car. Last time it was that low, I actually did run out of gas. I had to find a creative way to make it to the nearest gas station while using as little gas as possible. I ended up riding down hills most of the way. The car started sputtering just as I pulled up to the pump.

I went to work for three hours after that, mainly putting up High School Musical 3 promo materials, and planning to put up more High School Musical 3 materials. I'm starting to get a little carried away with this. I've decided that, yes, it has to happen, I'm going to watch the first two movies. In fact, I've decided I'm not going to blog again until I've seen at least the first one. Know this - I might not necessarily write anything about it in my next blog, but I WILL have watched it by then, so it'll be like a completely different person blogging.

I went to Fry's after work to price party lights to add to my High School Musical display (and because I've always wanted party lights for some reason,) but I instead became distracted by DDR. I was pissed off when every song I tried to play unexpectedly ended half way through, resetting the game. Must have been in some kind of demo mode. Fuck that, said I.

So now I'm here. I'm waiting for this session of workshop to begin. I have to say, I really haven't enjoyed this one very much. It's supposed to be about forum theater, "Theater for the Oppressed", and it's supposed to promote community and such and such, but I think most people in the workshop agree when I say that I feel more oppressed at the end of each night. Furthermore, I'm tired of people arguing about which issues are relevant for theater, which "problems we need to solve," etc. Surely I'm not the only one who realizes that we AREN'T GOING TO SOLVE ANYTHING through this workshop - we're just beginning actors. I'm really afraid that this performance is going to come off as childish and/or be a disaster. In short, I've come home feeling murderous rage after the last two nights of workshop. At least most of the people are still cool.

When this is over, I'll be going back to work for another 3 hours to do marquee and such. So my schedule will have been school, work, school, work by the time the day is over. It's only half-time, and I'm already beat. Ugh.

Well, that was probably interesting to no one. Time to head to class.

Don't Panic

Some real quick notes today...

A few months back I made an untitled music mix, which I wrote "Don't Panic" on the label. It was a lot of sappy/dreamy music, along with some Disney tunes. It was good to sing along to in my car when I needed to stop stressing. And it helped me not to panic. Today, I destroyed that mix and deleted it from my computer. I feel empowered - go me :)

This week was long, with trying to balance school, work, and sending off Laura, who is now happily situated in Scotland. I will miss her, but we had a very good last couple days, so I'm happy about that. Pics from Universal to follow soon.

My Saturday night was a good break from my busy week, seeing Lakeview Terrace with Amy and Vince, and then hanging out with the floor crew at a late night bonfire (with a Denny's run afterward.) I was happy to hang out with some people I don't usually hang out with.

It appears I have another busy week ahead of me, what with another performing arts workshop and all. But, all in all, I'm doing just fine - haven't had a reason to panic yet.

Now I need to stop procrastinating on this homework, or I will have reason to panic.



PS: Here's something.

Fading Into Obscurity...

I've been on a high for the last two weeks or so - a complete contrast from most of August, which felt like my sanity was hanging by a thread almost all of the time. It's a great feeling to enjoy every day.

One of the courses I signed up for this semester is a performing arts lab. When I signed up, I did not know that the format of the class would be workshop based. There are five of them, each a week long, and you are required to attend three of your own choosing. So really, instead of meeting every Tuesday night from 5 to 830, there are three weeks of the semester where I go to class every night of each week from 5 to 10; the other ten or so weeks have no class sessions. Each workshop is held by a different visiting artist, each with different backgrounds.

This past week, I experienced my first workshop with Pat Payne, who is a spoken word poet. I was hesitant to sign up for this workshop, as I've never been much a fan of poetry, but seeing her perform really opened my eyes to what poetry can be. The workshop itself opened my eyes even further. Having no experience with performing arts of any kind, this workshop was really intense for me, but also the most fun I've had in a while - I actually looked forward to going to each five hour session every night. The workshop taught a lot about stage presence, and how to perform in front of an audience. We did all kinds of ridiculous exercises, often embarrassing, and I was surprised by how much I was able to open up around people I'd never met.

The workshop culminated in a student performance on Friday night, where students performed poetry ranging from simple recitations to full blown performance pieces. My piece was one of the latter. Taking much inspiration from Pat, I did a piece about (what else?) DDR. Using one of my old dance mats as a prop, I created a performance piece about how I've used DDR not only as an effective exercise tool, but as a way to relieve stress, defeat my inner demons, and gain control over myself. I related the act of stomping arrows to the act of ridding myself of my problems, with the arrows representing little bits of adversity, and the act of stomping my foot and making arrows disappear synonymous with the act of making my problems disappear and regaining control of my emotions.

Like many, I ended up touching on some sensitive subjects during my performance, and I was surprised in myself to find that I could reveal these things in front of an audience mainly comprised of strangers (I was happy that Lona and John both came to see my performance.) Despite this, I also kept it light, and was glad the I got a good amount laughter from the jokes I threw in. Being that many of the other student pieces were ultra personal, pour-your-guts-out kinds of works, I wanted to use the humor to sort of differentiate myself, and I think it worked. All in all, the whole experience was unlike any I'd been through before - this was not my first time on stage (I'd been in several band concerts in high school), but this was the first time I came out all on my own, in a setting where I was the spotlight, and did something completely original and self-composed. I think it all went really well and I hope the next workshop provides a similar opportunity.

One of the more interesting and delightful side effects of this performing arts class is that I am finding myself talking more to my peers at school. Not since high school have I bothered to talk to anyone at school, much less hold conversations. My class is filled with many cool and interesting people, and I think our shared experience of embarrassing ourselves in front of each other has been a good social catalyst. Many of these people I'd seen in other courses at CSUSM before, but not until now have I spoken with any of them or even gotten to know most of their names; hopefully this new trend continues.

My other classes have not been anywhere near this caliber of experience. I still hate foreign language, my Tech and Social Change class has some interesting readings but ultimately boring lectures, and not a whole lot has happened in my video class yet. However, I do have a couple people in my video class that are also in performance lab, so I'm hoping that knowing these people will make collaborations on film projects down the line a little more fun. Despite my rather bland class lineup, I've found an interesting past time in going to school: running up the largest staircase on campus and up to the top of the arts building at least once everyday. Now that I've finally met my weight loss goal of 205, same as it reads on my drivers license (or, as Lona put it, now that I'll no longer be lying to cops when they pull me over,) I find the stairs a much easier foe to defeat. It's bizarre to think that the last time I had to climb said stairs I was 40 pounds heavier. Since they are no longer an issue for me, I'm going to continue running up the stairs everyday, and then maybe graduate to seeing how many times I can run up and down them in a row. Sounds crazy, I know, but this is all really exciting for me.

News on the work front is scarce. I have no projects to work on, and this has been the slowest Fall season since 2003, so hours have been hard to grab. I am finding myself promoting High School Musical 3, mainly because I think my boss is trying to give me something to keep me occupied. I am terrified that, through this, I am going to become completely hooked on the High School Musical franchise - I've never seen any of the HSM movies, but after watching the trailer for the third installment a few times, I can't stop singing the songs to myself, and I fear that a viewing of the first two films is in my inevitable future.

Thursday night held yet another bonfire. It's strange - a year ago, no one I knew (including myself) had the energy or organizational skills to pull one of these bonfires together, and now it feels like they happen every couple of weeks or so.

This particular bonfire really tested my limits physically. It started with sumo wrestling with nearly everyone in attendance; since this was an activity I did not participate in at the last bonfire, everyone wanted a chance to take me down. It finally took two guys to do it (on their second attempt.) In the process, I got hit in the eye with someones forehead, I was accidentally punched in the nose, and I almost dislocated my right arm when Jay jumped on me. A game of kickball followed. I joined mid game, when my team was already losing (I honestly can't remember where I was during the first part,) but we continued losing until we all decided to stop keeping score. I think around 10 innings were played, and I fell and slid numerous times, all adding to my injuries.

What finally destroyed me was our ultimate experiment in hole digging. Having already dug a five feet hole, I was buried (along with Jay and Dorian) while standing up. Once finished, everyone flat out refused to un-bury us. In attempting to wiggle, stretch, and finally dig out of the pit, I managed to pull muscles I didn't even know I had. Standing shoulder to shoulder made it difficult to move, and the fact that we were put in a pre-dug hole caused the pit to act as a vacuum; the more we dug, the tighter the dirt's grasp became. It probably took us a good half an hour to break free. Between that and the aforementioned activities, I am still sore all over, a whole three days later. Thank God for the Davis family spa.

All in all, I find my life calming down in general, feeling much less stressful and relaxing, despite my busier schedule. I'm not sure why it's turned out that way, but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. As a kind of end-of-summer tribute, here's a video I threw together - It's basically a recap of my summer, minus the drama. Almost no effort was put into this; I pretty much just took a bunch of images and dropped them into Photostory and let it do all the work, but it still turned out nice I think.

Looks like I've ended up writing much more than I set out to this evening, so it's time to find my end point. I'm getting up in the morning to go to Universal Studios with buddies Laura and Vince, as Laura is leaving on Wednesday to study abroad in Scotland for a year and I want to spend as much time with her as possible in the next two days.

I wish I could end this very long ramble with something insightful, but it's just too late to think at the moment, so I'll use one I think I've already used before:


"Don't fake the funk on a nasty dog" -Homsar