Grown Up Stuff

Alright, it's been over a week, time to write something.


I've had a strange recurring dream that's happened probably 3 or 4 times in the last two years or so. In it, I find myself suddenly remembering that I had signed up for a random math class at the beginning of my school semester, and realizing at the end of the semester that I'd completely forgotten about the class, it being buried under all of my other responsibilities and whatnot. I try frantically to figure out how I'm going to not fail the course, but realize that it's hopeless.

As I've said before, my dreams are typically neutral and/or don't make sense - that is, I rarely have nightmares. I find more and more that, when I do, they're completely believable; I always find myself surprised to wake up and realize that they're not real, as it's usually a more adult, down to earth fear I'm dreaming about. Case in point: I had that same dream last night, and when I woke up this morning (well, afternoon) the first thing I did was go online to check my school schedule and make sure my dream wasn't reality. Yes, it often takes me a while to escape dream world. To my delight, not only was I, in fact, still living in reality, but grades for this semester were already posted - 3 A's and a B in Spanish. That all really started my day off on a good note. I'm not sure why I've had that dream multiple times - when I think about it, I realize that it's been a long time since I've been genuinely stressed out about school.

I've been thinking a lot about the difference between being a kid and being an adult - it seems many adults long for their childhood again, when the world was simpler. I agree and disagree to that sentiment. It seems that, the older I get, the more responsibility I have, but, in turn, the less other people try to control me. For instance, all throughout grade school and even up through the end of high school, they would constantly send progress reports in the mail to let parents know how you were doing - I HATED this. Not because I was a bad student, but because I dreaded what would happen should an A slip to an A-, or even a B+, heaven forbid. Sometimes you might have a bad week or do not so well on a quiz, still all fully under your control, but the parents would still freak out. It was all very nerve wracking, and made school much more stressful than I wish it would have been.

Fast forward to now - no one really cares whether I succeed or not. If I fail, I deal with the consequences myself; no one else is there standing over my shoulder telling me that I'm doing it wrong. I like it this way - I'm in control. I like being in the driver's seat. This is the type of responsibility which comes with adulthood that I actually enjoy.

People say that when you grow out of childhood, you lose your sense of wonder and imagination (or at least part of it), the things that really make you a kid. I don't see why we can't have the best of both worlds. I still feel like my inner child is alive and kicking, while at the same time, I don't have the parental figures dictating my every move, or the school system casting its shadow, trying to make me feel small. It all makes for a really sweet combination.

I suspect some of this will change if/when I get married and have kids - those types of responsibilities would require people depending on you, which would then, once again, require you to answer to others. But I guess what differs is that you're in that position by your own choice, so really, it doesn't seem so bad.

Well, obviously I'm not there yet, and I still have some growing up to do. But until then, life seems pretty damn sweet to me.