My Sitcom Life

I've got to be up in 5 hours and I should be sleeping, but whenever I know I have to get up ridiculously early it seems like my body is afraid to fall asleep in case I don't wake up in time. So here I am, unable to sleep.

If you read my bio on this site you'll see I end with the phrase "It's like a sitcom, and I'm sitting at the edge of my chair, waiting to see what will happen to my own character on the other side of that 2-part season finale cliffhanger." The sitcom analogy is one that I've only recently coined- maybe a year ago or two. The last year or two has definitely felt scripted in some ways, to the point where I can pick out different situations in my head and think of them as "episodes."

I used to be the type who needed to plan out every detail, needing to know exactly what was going to happen to me and how it would play out. To some extent, I am often still that person, but I've found that more and more I've learned to just go with the flow. In this period, this period of great change in my life, that's definitely one of the things I'm beginning to realize... I need to just go with what feels right and watch how things play out. This is not to say that I or anyone should be completely reckless, but I guess what I'm saying is that I'm second-guessing myself less and less. So in a way, I really am like an observer of this sitcom I call my life.

Even more interesting, sometimes I find myself so wrapped up in this analogy that I try to follow supposed "plot lines" that are occurring at any given time and connect them, in hopes of coming to some kind of conclusion. I'll find myself thinking about foreshadowing and other literary devices and see where my life may be leading based on what's already occured, or where in my life the "season finale" or beginning of a new season would begin. Sometimes, I'll even think to myself, "if I was writing this thing, what would I make the characters do?" Often I find that what I want to happen in my life and what I would write as a "writer" of the story of the series are two different things. Sure, I'd love it if I personally reached that happily ever after I dream of. But as a writer for the show, I know that conflict gets better ratings.

I could go on a whole other rant about the writer versus the character, and whether or not we are really in control of our own fates, but I think now I'm actually ready to go to bed. Thank you, internet.